They say old habits are hard to break. Perhaps that is why I find myself with this feeling of being stuck where I am. Consumed with the feeling that I have nothing important to say. The first time I remember feeling this way was in speech class in college. The assignment was to prepare a speech on the day's topic worth presenting to the class.
As I stood there in front of my peers I was expected to give them something of value, something memorable. I seriously doubt that that is what happened. You see, even today I can't remember the topic we were assigned, and I doubt anyone else can either. However, that experience would somehow prove to be memorable. Maybe not for my professor or other classmates, but for me.
As I was called to the front of the class a lump formed in my throat, a sick feeling in my stomach and a look of panic and fear rushed across my face. I really wasn't sure what would happen next. Would there be fainting? (That would have made it a lot easier, come on please faint, but NO!) Would I vomit? (I wanted to but nothing would come out.) No, it looked as if I would have to go through this. I would stand in front of my class with nothing important to say.
Now, every week I go to great lengths to prepare to stand in front of a class or a congregation and I can't help but remember that awkward feeling from 38 years ago. I sort of feel like Moses must have felt in Exodus 4 when he said; "Lord, they will not believe me, or listen to my voice." Then I'm reminded what the Lord told Moses and his words echo in my mind; "Jerry, who made your mouth?" "Go, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what to say."
If it were left up to me I would always feel that way, as if, I have nothing important to say. But somehow that is not how God feels. The value of my words will never be found in me, but in the One I allow to form my words. I agree with Paul in I Thessalonians 2:4 when he said; "But as we were allowed of God to be put in trust with the Gospel, even so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God, which trieth our hearts."
Lord, today let me speak because YOU have something important to say!
